Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

I haven’t done this since high school. In those days, I loved writing secret letters to myself every single day. Actively daydreaming with a pen and into a notebook, I used to arrange words and reflect on my inner and outer circumstances…and record everything for further reference…

I was a cheesy and hollow teenager back then; I am a ripe and accomplished woman now. But in one aspect I have not changed – with me still reside the laughter and the lovemaking. I am essentially a hedonist – to the dismay of some people I deeply love, a part of me is always striving for merrymaking and lovemaking like the fairy kin.

I am aspiring to be a writer and here is what some people honestly think of my writing:  “You have these deep fascinations that are only interesting to you but you still insist on subjecting your audience to them: the fluff stories filled with nothing but pleasantries.” So learning how to write is still a strenuous fight, but I cannot stop doing it – that is something stronger than I am.

Here are other people discussing my writing:

“You do have a certain charm that comes with originality, sincerity, and imagination…You captivate my soul, even if my mind is still puzzling over a few of your sentences…”

“I haven’t read all of your drafts, but I’ve loved every second of what I have read. There’s a rhythm to it I’m amazed by, and you keep doing stuff that I find incredible. This is going to sound almost rude so I want to emphasize that it is in fact a compliment. It’s like you keep making stuff that I think of as horrendous mistakes when I do it. Except it’s always what “fits” the rhythm you have. But yeah, like oddly placed unnecessary adverbs that turn out to be perfectly placed and necessary. It’s kind of infuriatingly charming. And well, it does have an entirely different sexual quality, which is a treat. Because it’s oozing with appeal.”

I spend my days writing. Sometimes – nothing comes to mind…for consecutive hours, which results in trying to communicate on dating sites. Obviously, communication is my basic need. Unfortunately, I lose interest in my pen pals very, very fast – and the opposite also happens. Basically, what I am doing on dating sites is going to be the mystery of the century… However, any interest that comes from a dating site has been but ephemeral – with one exception.

Nowadays, my soul-mates are too busy with their lives, and I lack and seek attention in many ways, and I am frustrated – and suddenly I thought I could give this attention to myself and write letters to myself like in the olden days.

I love telling all the funny stories to my friends. I have enough funny stories to entertain you for years. Hilarious stuff has happened to me on a daily basis, since I can remember myself.

So before the lockdown, I had to hurry for a Kizomba practice, and right before I got in the taxi, I felt like I wanted to use the restroom. So I told the taxi-driver, who is a great friend of mine to wait for me for some 19 seconds, and I headed trotting to the pizza place, slightly bent forward while I was running. They had cleaned the glass so well, that I didn’t see it and I splattered all over it like a fly. These days I am previewing my nose, and it looks a little rough in the base, and it was such a fine nose…oh, never mind!

A week after that I was having coffee with my bestie. I tell her: “See this nose?” and I explain to her what happened. Her nose as I remember it for the past 20 years is a bit curved as well. And she tells me:

“See this nose? When I was 10 years old my younger brother and I were playing tag…so I bent under the table and he kicked me from behind…”

Except for laughter and lovemaking, I am very much interested in being productive and creative…So productivity-wise: in hope for creative inspiration I managed to arrange my entire summer wardrobe today – so many clothes that spark joy! I also cooked potato casserole – and that turned out too well.

Spring has come and it comes with the desire to rejuvenate yourself on different levels. Stuff like deep cleaning the face by smearing on it apple cider vinegar and honey in the course of one month. In general – taking care of your beauty and health, and finally starting counting those tricky calories. One day, or day one!


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1 Comment

  1. I do not think your fascinations are only interesting to you. I enjoy reading your thoughts. Vivid recollections of the past, I could picture you colliding with the glass. As I read more of your writings, I admire the thought and imagination that goes into your writing. Do you still have those notebooks from years ago? I’m sure reading those again would provide mental stimulation for additional ideas.

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