Lady F’s Impediments In Writing

Writing is hard. To an aspiring writer, it is even strenuous.  Here are just some of the tribulations Lady F has come upon in her writing endeavors.

How Is One To Hook A Reader?

Here are some compelling openings of novels, critics find very cool:

  1. “There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.”
  2. “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.”
  3. “When the doorbell rings at three in the morning, it’s never good news.”

These several lines spark curiosity, like the best-beloved fairy tale opening: “Once upon a time…” There – Sesame opens, the genie is out of the magic lamp, and you are ready to hear a story. Lady F has decided to start her novels with: In the Milky Way, in the constellation of Gemini, there lies a small planet, where human tales, dreams, and reveries dwell.

This is a statement, which does not open the door to an adventure. Maybe if she said: “there lies a small planet, where human tales, dreams, and reveries are prone to suffering…” it would be one idea better. Still, she has to think about it some more, because the first impression is crucial with books as well as with people.

Show Don’t Tell

Usually, her critics start with “Beautiful style, but…”

But there are too many descriptions. Remember, when you were a little girl and were reading Meine Reid – how you used to skip on the heavy descriptions and read mainly the conversations? While you indulge in describing Venus’s golden hair, you have to spill it on her soft pillow. Forget about the adjectives, use verbs, use actions, move your characters, their bodies and their minds. For instance, tell the reader, how slowly and with adoration, enamored Bacchus fondles her lovely curls, while she is asleep and he secretly admires her. Thus through action, you convey the feeling of beauty, otherwise stated as: “Venus had a lovely golden hair.”

Too Many Characters

In order to write a really good romantic novel, specialists say, you need only two basic characters: protagonist and ally and usually an antagonist – a bad guy to keep them apart. Those characters have to be profound, lovable and involved in heart-breaking drama. What is Lady Fickle doing wrong? In the first scene she mentions King Leonidas, and King Cleomantas, gorgeous Venus and her lover Bacchus, as well as Helios and Mercury – fellow Gods – and that’s on the first page. What the fuck? Poor reader is unfamiliar with the Classical and Roman mythologies, and he sits there with open mouth, drooling and flabbergasted. The “heart-breaking drama” is actually a soft, vanilla sex scene. Well, all of us love sex, but it is not a way to start a novel.

Characters are Unbelievable

Characters are too perfect and have garden variety problems. The Gods in “Enamored Venus” are creatures way too splendid and they have really feeble problems, which they solve with little or no efforts, just because they are divine. In one sentence, the problem arises, in the next, it is resolute, and everyone is happy again. Too many characters and you cannot weave them in a strong plot because for a strong plot, the depth of characters is essential.

Too Little Tension

“The beat,” which is also called “the thread” is an element of writing not completely mastered by Lady F. It has got to do with how scenes flow into each other, and you put your character in trouble with the first sentence and solve the problem in the last sentence of the scene. A list of everything that will happen through your story in order is called “a beat sheet.” The beat is something that keeps the reader fascinated with every next sentence. You cannot leave a book with a good beat – you are bound to devour it all.

Punch Line Out Of Space

Okay, what’s with the climax, it should feel like a spiritual orgasm, but with no “foreplay” your culmination is rather peculiar to the reader. You want to put obstacles in front of your characters, even hurt them, motivate them, give them a driving, compelling need, uniqueness, and power. And in the punch line of the plot, make them clash like titans with their circumstances. Make them make hard choices – to kill their beloved or to betray the country. Through suffering literary characters realize themselves.

But What’s Lady F Doing Right?

Lady F has heard that you teach people best what you yourself need to learn. But she really excels in writing, even though she hasn’t mastered the craft. Various people take delight in her writing, and do you know why?

Her reality is pregnant. It is incredibly sensual and well-mannered, incredibly expressive and finely worded. She has got a distinctive writer’s voice. She’s got power over words. And she is evolving since she is able to denote the shortcomings in her works and vigorously strives to improve. Right now, she is working enthusiastically on the “Enamored Venus.” She marks small achievements and progress. She is happy. She is writing.


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