Dear Lady F,
I have the following question. With my so called fiancee, we have an open relationship. That’s what he wants, I don’t like it – but since he wants it – it is so. Until now, mostly I have consumed it. He is not so lucky and he feels guilty. We have had a few swings as well, in which I found a girl, who was really very cool. In this whole situation I am just as jealous, while I try not to show it. He on his side feels super stupid, that he is not so lucky and he has to make endeavors which he does not want. What shall we do? Shall we go on like this? How to stop being jealous?
Lady F’s Answer
If I understood you correctly – the man in your relationship wants to be polygamous while acting monogamously, and you want to be monogamous and are forced by the circumstances to act in a polygamous fashion?
According to me, your “polygamy” is deeply rooted in the fear on both sides that you are going to restrict each other’s personal space. You want to have the benefits of a relationship, but you fear commitment since you feel it will destroy your freedom. Since that’s your so-called “fiancée” it means the situation is serious for both of you.
What to do? Ask yourself how you feel after “practicing” your polygamous freedom. Do you dream of him while you have sex and watch his picture on the wall, for instance? Does it make you feel guilty and craving for him? Or do you do it just to demonstrate your independence?
Ask him openly does he really take delight in polygamy? Is it because he finds it is trendy? What’s in there for him?
What does “polygamy” mean to your Beloved?
Does he crave to be with many women? Is he is the lover of the female gender wanting to bed everybody? Chances are he is an achiever.
Does fucking around make yourself happy? Or bitter? Released? Or restrained?
If you are not happy, I advise you to demonstrate to him what devoted friendship means. Don’t compromise with yourself, to please his idea of “an open relationship.” Show him love and affection, and gratitude, focus on him, try to please him. When he receives from you the benefits of a monogamous relationship – he will no longer want to find and please all these women. He is going to be happy to do it for you and find them in you. Show him the power a commitment has. Show him, love, you believe in!