Shubh Dhingra and Lady F Discussing Sexual Divide
Staring up in the night sky I saw towards a star shining so bright
For my father once told me it’s your mother sending us her light.
And just one thought to my mind came,
The dead have permission to love the living but the living
don’t have authority to do the same.
Why can the living not love the living?
The living cannot love the living because of social divides we have created:
Race, gender, religion, caste, and country being some of the most prominent ones
I am Russian, you are American so we are born enemies.
I am Indian you are Pakistani so we are meant to fight.
Shubh Dhingra is a 21-year-old novelist and has penned several books in various genres. He worked as a content writer and copyeditor for a while and then shifted his focus to screenplay writing. Though he mainly writes suspense thrillers, lately he’s been focused on women-centric projects. In his recent title ‘The cuckoo birds among us’ his main focus was to highlight how women are being wronged and violated in various parts of the world and incorporate it in a fictional short story so that people can understand these problems and the profits from this book will be going towards education and upliftment of underprivileged girls so that they can grow up to become strong independent women.
Lady F, the thing is that I come from a place where premarital sex and love is considered a taboo. A woman who is not a virgin is considered unfit for marriage. So what I have been trying to do lately is incorporate all these concepts into fiction so that people can relate. I describe how a woman even after facing such hardships is trying to achieve her dreams, find love, find her happiness. This creates a completely different setup from the books in the western society.
How will that be accepted in your culture?
Lady F, my culture is wrong and that’s it. It is wrong to judge a woman’s character based on her virginity. It’s wrong to kill the baby if it’s a girl. It’s wrong to marry your daughter at 13 just because she is considered an unnecessary burden. And for me, literature is a tool that can help people understand that. You see I don’t need to change everybody but if I can change even a single person,I can save a life. I being a writer have a tool that can influence people so it’s my responsibility to send out the right message no matter what people will think about it.
So are your parents supposed to pick your bride to be as well?
Luckily my parents are not that orthodox. I am allowed to choose my bride but not date anybody right now. I can do so after 25. Now as I told you that sex is considered a taboo here so the big problem that arises is that boys and girls cannot openly interact….they are judged at every step. Even if 5-year boy and girl are friends their friends make fun of them and tease them. As a result boys and girls grow without interacting a lot creating a social divide.
I call that “sexual disbalance”
Now men and women grow up without really understanding what the other gender is like what they feel and what they like. Due to this for men, women are just like an achievement. If you have a girlfriend or if you can convince a girl to sleep with you are the biggest achiever you are basically the hero of your friend circle. For them, women are just objects of desire and they don’t really respect them the way they should be. On the other hand, women have this mindset that all men just want sex though not all of them do. Sometimes guys do want to get serious but women too judge every man. Now if both genders won’t respect each other there would be simply a lot of problems in the future. Domestic violence and rapes. Everything starts because of a lack of interaction and mutual respect between the genders. So I think living and building love, discovering yourself amidst all this is like winning a war in itself and I know people will love my work, will understand this problem and maybe we can bring a change as well.
How does banned lovemaking make you feel? Don’t you crave for love?
We all do its basic human nature. That is what I am telling you. A guy is in his teens’ craving for love, but doesn’t get it…
How does one survive 10 or 15 years of craving?;)
A lot us do have a girlfriend but we keep her hidden from family members and relatives and neighbors. Couples meet in secret. Now but as I told you women judge men and test them constantly so not all guys manage to land a girlfriend and if they simply cannot control their urge they rape a woman. For them women are nothing more than objects of desire For the record, not all are like this it’s just a small fraction but still, the mindset is there that everybody is there because the genders never got to understand each other. The two genders couldn’t understand each other because they were never really allowed to talk they were judged even if they were friends with somebody of the opposite gender.
I have a solution for you:)
Internet. European women. Long-distance relationships…Why not?
As far as long distance relationships are concerned – not going to work.
Okay, let me paint a scenario for you. You are there on an online dating site and a guy sends you a text, you reply, and within 15 min he starts asking for nudes. What will you do?
Block him, he has no respect. I got it.
We even ignore guys online exactly for this – they are impertinent, sexually aggressive and begging for sex.
Men don’t really respect women and treat them as objects of desire. And women don’t respect men either. Let’s say a couple is there – now they go out for dinner or movies or anything, every time the man is supposed to pay. If a woman has to pay then the man is considered to be not good enough for her.
Here when a guy doesn’t really want to study. He is told if you don’t study you won’t be a successful man and no girl would marry you. So a guy at every step has to prove his worth. If a guy is not earning enough he is incapable but if a woman doesn’t even feel like working its ok. These judgments passed by the society basically worsen the situation.
But why does this happen in the country that begot the Kama Sutra? The cradle of spirituality?
You see “Kama” basically means desire. And Kama Sutra teaches us to express that desire and control that desire. Now back when Kama Sutra was written at that time all these modern techniques such as abortion and also condoms and contraceptive pills weren’t there.
So, obviously lust and desire are there in teenagers but one mistake at that time can ruin the lives. So to stop that people started to put restrictions and isolate men and women. Because it was the right thing to do back then. But now all this is acceptable but people are not ready to accept that change. Because of lack of education. Sex is considered a taboo so people don’t really want children to learn about it so no subject for sex education in schools. Parents never make that talk with their children. The result is that broken society.
So basically people there are unwilling to submit to this New Age view of sexuality?
Now I am no social worker. I am a novelist and I write fiction. What I am trying to do is create fictional plotlines in this setup so and show the struggle of common modern independent youth in this judgmental society.
Well, I wish you to be capable to help bring about that change.
I prefer to live by a code and I can write hundreds of stuff but what good will it bring if it cannot influence people in a positive manner.
You are an idealist;)
Ok, as you have worked as a copyeditor as well can you tell us what does it take to be a copy-editor?
Being a copy editor looks easy and to be honest it kinda is. Yes it does take creativity and control over language but more so you need a moral code because your job is to create new content from existing facts and figures but also make sure that you send out the message without offending anybody or not send out false or wrong messages
So most of all you need the ability to understand and study people and how they will react to your content.
Shubh’s first book is called “The Last Pawn.” It’s a suspense thriller. He guarantees that there’s so much suspense in that book that you’ll feel like banging your head into the wall out of curiosity to know more. After that, he has been working on several books in a lot of different genres: suspense, thriller, mythology. But the books he wrote on the problems he mentioned were ‘Wet Sand’ and ‘The Cuckoo Birds Among Us(Under the pen name S.D Markinson)’ They will be out in two weeks. Thank you Shubh! It is interesting to know about the social issues of women at the other end of the world, where society is repressing itself in such a manner.
The first five chapters of his debut novel THE LAST PAWN are available free of cost
You can order his books from the following Amazon links: