Trust is essential for a relationship – be it a family one, or a sentimental friendship, or a bond of adoration. What then is trust?
Dictionaries have it: “Trust is a firm belief in the reliability, truth or ability of somebody else.” It does not happen overnight and it takes time, effort, devotion. You don’t immediately trust people unless you are in your naïve years.
It means you have to say the truth and not hide anything. It means you have to be fully relaxed with your partner – like in a warm Jacuzzi with a bottle of port wine. If you have lived in this world for 34 years, it means that your partner has to have loved you for 34 years.
He has to know how you lost your hairpins at four and how much you cried. He has to know how you were late for school to pick chamomile and all the times that you have cried for hours in high-school for the crush of your lifetime. You have to know what makes him tick, what made him fear and what in his life made him know not what to do. Full openness, to total bareness, is suggested for a really working relationship. There are no secrets in the universe, so why hide from your lover?
One of my friends started to live for a month with a man who according to her was “marriage material” He treated her like a royalty, he brought her breakfast in bed, he got flowers for her, and opened the door for her, and took her to Karaoke, and she got presents from him, and she was entertained in various ways. Said she: “You cannot be so perfect! Show me your dark side!”
She was right. Never trust perfection. People have issues. People in love have even more complicated issues. To tell the truth, to your partner, means allowing him to view you from the inside – where you are most vulnerable but also most lovable and real.
Very important for the trust in the relationship are common values. You both have to love the same virtues, conduct, manners, and adventures. If you admire people with a lot of money, and she admires spiritually evolved people – chances are you will not click on the most basic of planes – strivings and perceptions. You have to learn to think, feel and behave as a couple, not only as individuals in order to survive emotionally. Discover the things that you both enjoy. If he is into adrenaline, and you are less adventurous, well take his hand and jump for this one time, just to feel the difference, you might as well like it. Get out of your comfort zone to meet your Beloved’s needs.
Say, she likes making out in public places, but she knows you are shy. She does not share this need with you, because she believes she will be unaccepted. At some point, she will suddenly begin to crave this untenably. She will dream of it, she will lack the sensation, she will feel unsatisfied – and she has already betrayed you in her heart. But imagine if you create this common space of trust, and she knows she can openly speak about her fantasy. If you accept her and love her as she is, embracing the difference – your relationship will flourish.
Your relationship is also like a living being, that you both nurture and sustain, and each one of you has to learn to treat it nice. It must grow in love and joy, rapture and passion. You have to send the entire time signals that you adore everything she is and does. Her happiness has to be essential for your own. To build trust, do not take in the relationship, do not expect, give everything, give in. Bestow your grace upon your Beloved and let them grow in your light.
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