Gods Must Have Gone Crazy : The Craziest Stuff About Greek Gods
Greek Gods and Goddesses
Plato coined the word “mythology”, around 400 BC, to denote the imaginative tales about the Gods and supernatural events. The word is derived from mythos (myth) and logy (study) – meaning a legendary lore.
Plato found myths seductively charming. So did Lady F. She was three years old when she read the Greek mythology, and she is still fascinated with the Greek Gods. So this is a short list about the most impressive Greek and Roman deities:
She emerged from the sea-foam. She bore several children from other Gods, while she was married to the crippled smith God Hephaistos (Vulcan). Among those Gods were Dionysus (Bacchus) and Ares (Mars). The humiliated smith God created a mesh of gold and caught Aphrodite and Ares in the bed together to expose them to the rest of the Olympians, who had a lot of fun at the event.
Lady F’s Venus is an accomplished beauty whose calling is to fall in love and to make her lovers happy. She is never satisfied, she is full of bliss and enchanting, powerful and adorable. She is the most discussed Goddess and the happiest one since she makes love every night. She is a lover of luxury, she is tender and sensual and she blushes on a lot of occasions. She is resourceful and diplomatic. Every God on Olympus dreams about her kiss.
Ares and Aphrodite had three children, who often accompanied him on the battlefield. He was a passionate lover and a great friend. He is also the father of Eros (Cupid) and a regular hero in all kinds of entertaining and romantic stories. He is the symbol of aggression and strong will. In Tarot, Mars (Ares) is often connected to the Tower, which is traditionally a fearful card, because it can signify the loss of something important.
Lady F’s Mars is an “invincible, mighty, passionate God.” He doesn’t just enter, he rushes in. He drives Venus insane with desire. He is as sensitive as a child, and just so expressive.
Athena (Minerva – a Goddess of Wisdom and the Arts)
Athena’s name means Queen of Heaven and she was the Greek Goddess of war and crafts. She was a virgin like Artemis and Hestia. Her symbol was the wise owl. Athena invented the flute, but she never played it.
Athena in Lady F’s work is a moody auld spinster with a really “irritable temper”, who drinks too much coffee and despises the mortals for their tasteless sacrifices.
Dionysius was a youthful God of vegetation, wine, and ecstasy, who loved to shapeshift in a bull. Once during his travels, he was captured by sailors who wanted to sell him into slavery in Egypt. During the voyage to Egypt, Dionysus had vines grow up out of the sea, entwining the ship. Then the god appeared in all his splendor surrounded by wild beasts and crowned with ivy. He bowed his head: “I am Dionysus, son of Zeus.” Then he turned all the sailors into dolphins.
Lady F’s Bacchus is simply gorgeous. Funny, resourceful and amazingly handsome, he is the best lover on Earth as in Heavens. Every woman dreams of Bacchus, who leaves Venus’s body tormented with pleasure every single night.
Hades, whose name means “The Unseen” was the Greek God of the underworld – where dead people resided. To Romans, he was known as Pluto – “the giver of wealth.” He was a grim and peculiar deity. He abducted Persephone and he was her faithful husband, but then he fell in love with the nymph Minthe – when Persephone discovered this she was so jealous that she turned the poor creature into the sweet herb mint.
Lady F’s Hades is a weirdo, who wears rather expensive shoes and hates dirty words.
God of Sun depicted as a strong and beautiful young man with gleaming eyes and a crown of flaming rays. He saw everything and was often invoked as a witness of oaths. A gigantic statue of the deity was raised in Rhodes – an island sacred to Helios. It was called the Colossus and was one of the seven wonders of the ancient world, before an earthquake in 226 BC.
Lady F’s Helios is merry, happy and bright, as well as extremely friendly.
Hera means lady and she was a powerful mother goddess. She was in conflict with her husband Zeus most of the time. She relentlessly persecuted his mistresses and their children. She sent the two serpents in the cradle of baby Heracles. She is portrayed in Greek art as a large, majestic woman, wearing a diadem.
Lady F’s Hera is as jealous as a bag full of cobras. She is an old gossip and she despises Venus for being so insatiable.
The Greek messenger god enjoyed playing tricks and games. During the Trojan War, it was Hermes who was always sent to steal something unobtainable. He was identified as the Germanic God Odin, who was the champion of warriors and father of the slain. Hermes is depicted as a young man with a wide hat and winged sandals, carrying a staff crowned with two snakes. His greatest passion was for the love Goddess Aphrodite – he had two sons from her: Hermaphroditus the first female boy, and Priapus – famous for his enormous penis.
Mercury by Lady F is the Olympic Associated Press. All kinds of information about mortals and immortals pass through him. He is also tender, careless and very positive.
Hypnos means “Sleep” and he is the son of Nyx – the night, and the brother of Thanatos – death. Morpheus the God of Dreams was his son. On several occasions, Gods asked Hypnos to lull somebody to sleep, so that they might play a trick on them, or attack them.
Hypnos in Lady F’s works stalks Venus and is infatuated with her, but he never gets any, which makes him an antagonist.
They were wild spirits of the forest, goat-like creatures with puck noses, bristling hair and goat’s ears tales and hooves. They were wanton and crafty, they lived in the forests, chased after nymphs and played impish tricks on men.
Satyrs are described by Lady F as dopey, primal and overly sexual.
He was a Thracian singer, much revered in ancient Greece. He is famous with his desperate journey to the land of the dead to save his beloved Eurydice from her destiny.
Lady F’s Orpheus is vain and superficial – all he cares about is how to receive ovations.
When she became the wife of Hades, God of the Underworld her mother Demeter was beside herself with grief. She was the Goddess of fertility and as a result, the land was no longer fertile, plants withered, animals bore no offspring and death stalked mankind. Eventually, Zeus commanded that Persephone will spend time each year with both her husband and her mother.
Persephone is a Lady F’s Goddess, who cares about the Dark Side. She really feels for her people, and she manages to stay friends with all the Goddesses.
He was the supreme deity in the Greek mythology and son of Titans and Father of all Gods – an omnipotent sky God. He divided the world between himself and his two brothers Hades and Poseidon. Zeus chose to rule the sky, Hades the underworld and Poseidon the sea: the Earth and Mount Olympus – home of all the gods were regarded as a common territory. Zeus’s influence was felt everywhere. The stories of his many lovers are the very stuff of Roman Mythology.
Lady F describes him as drowsy, auld Zeus, wearing huge spectacles and napping all the time, solving the problems of the Gods, while he’s dreaming.